guess what.

i had an amazing weekend.

i'm gonna get what i want.

the end.

hello, 6th grade...

thank you, allison, for making this weekend the best it could be. thank you for always being reliable. and thank you for always letting me vent. those kinds of friends are hard to come by, i find. but thank you. and thank you for being creepy with me. you're the best. i love you.

yes, this is a shout out. i'm cool, okay?

booty

jeans without back pockets scare me...

an ode to keith. my first true love

well, i guess it would be nice

if we could go on bourbon street

get a couple of hand grenades

and get really drunk

well, i guess it would be nice

if i could meet a real cool guy

take him back to the house

but i don't want a punk

but i need a real man to get me going

someone who's not afraid to kiss my neck

but when keith moved down

he quit the show and

asked me how i was doing

and it really wasn't great

so i had to fake, fake, fake

well, i guess it would be nice

if he had brought a condom

because i'm a nursing major

i know better than that

well, i guess it would be nice

if he would listen up

when i say we won't fuck

buddy, zip it up

because i need a real man to get me going

someone who's not afraid to kiss my neck

but when keith moved down

he quit the show and

asked me how i was doing

and it really wasn't great

so, i had to fake, fake, fake

well, i think it's really nice

that i have such great friends

that walk my sleezy boyfriends

out the door

well, i guess it would be nice

if i could have some fries

with cheese and gravy on the side

and a water too

because i need a real man to get me going

someone who's not afraid to kiss my neck

but when keith moved down

he quit the show and

asked me how i was doing

and it really wasn't great

so, i had to fake, fake, fake

blog in the quad on a lovely wednesday afternoon

setting: union ball room. monday evening.

skinny girl: so, how are you and chase?

adrienne: well, actually...

hayli: wait, are y'all official yet?

adrienne: actually yes, since friday morning.

dear roommate and best friend,

hi, this concerns the both of y'all. i live with one, and i spend the rest of my free time with the other. WHY DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?! do i really have to ask to find out?

adrienne: oh my god! i thought you knew!

hayli: no, why would i know? NO ONE TOLD ME!

adrienne: i don't know... i thought chase would've told you that night y'all saw marc broussard

(quick side note: marc broussard was amazing)

hayli: no, no. he didn't tell me. i thought maybe you would've told me when we lived together or something.

adrienne: i'm so sorry. really. i'm so sorry.

hayli: well, now i gotta bitch out chase

text message sent 7:16 pm

"*punches in balls *and says "YOU KNOW WHY!" but do you really know why? do you?"

no response.

text message sent at 7:20 pm

"*punches in balls *and says "YOU KNOW WHY!" but do you really know why? do you?"

no response.

text message sent at 7:22 pm

"*punches in balls *and says "YOU KNOW WHY!" but do you really know why? do you?"

no response.

text message sent at 7:24 pm, 7:25 pm, 7:30 pm, 7:33 pm, and 7:37 pm

"*punches in balls *and says "YOU KNOW WHY!" but do you really know why? do you?"

finally, a response.

text message received at 7:40 pm

"no, i don't know why. lol. what is it?"

this is NOT an lol matter, mr. steen.

phone call received at 9:10 pm

chase: now, what was so important that you had to text me the same thing 8 times during band practice?

hayli: ummm, i don't know. is there something i'm supposed to know that i don't know about?

chase: ha. ummmm. nope.

adrienne: I REVOKE THE TITLE!

hayli: she revokes the title

chase: you're mad, because you didn't know?

hayli: i'm upset, because i had to ask. y'all have been dating behind my back for five days.

*pause*

hayli: okay, four days

chase: hayli, don't exaggerate or anything. god.

don't i deserve the right to be slightly upset? i mean, i'm really not angry at them. but, like, they had many opportunities. i saw adrienne the morning he did it. i was with her all day. we went to breakfast together. i asked how her night was with him. i spent the next night with chase. i spent sunday with the both of them. and i was supposed to just pick up on it because "they were holding hands a little more than usual."

chase: well, this just means we really gotta get you a man now. i've got the perfect guy for you

oooh, this again

hayli: who?

chase: cameron

cameron is just about the most annoying guy i've ever met. seriously. i've never hated someone so much for just existing. no body likes him. and i mean no body. i think we're his only friends. and, yeah, that's sad and all, but he thinks he's the shit. and that's just where my sympathy jumps out the window.

hayli: i think i deserve to punch you in the balls

chase: you can punch me for everytime you sent that text message

hayli: eight times? i can punch you in the balls eight times?

chase: yeah, just as long as you forget about all this

hayli: okay. sure thing!

now, just don't tell him i blogged about it, or i won't get my ball punching in

lived through the ice age, huh? couldn't make it through this!

it was a typical monday night, just like any other monday night, which is why it was probably pretty typical. i hear a frantic bang on the door. i open it to see my hall mate (g'day) courtni freaking out. 

"y'all. there's a cockroach in the room. will you come kill it for me?"

i went to her room with a shoe in hand. her roommate lindsey is on the phone with her boyfriend freaking out about the cockroach. there was a wad of paper towels on the floor. they proceed to tell me that they think the roach is underneath there, but they need me to lift the towels.

well, i took my shoe and smack, smack, smacked the ground. i picked up the crunchy beast and showed them the guts.

"AHHHHH! OH MY GOD! THAT'S SO GROSS! bring it down the hall and put it in the microwave!"

people from new iberia are weird.

estrogen

today i have fallen into major procrastination mode, and i have fallen majorly in love with bushwalla.

but jason mraz still has my heart...

why do i feel like i have to make it out of louisiana in order to find the right guy? 

canada, here i come!