note to self:

"no, hayli, you can do this. you're gonna pass this history class. you're gonna be a nurse, and you're gonna get your ass to france where you'll fuck beautiful french men all the time and have beautiful french babies"

-adrienne

ahhhhh!

when i look in your eyes, i fear i won't see surprise

i posted this on facebook, but i'll probably delete it from there because i feel rather toolish for it. yep.

1. I really, really love to cook. Baking especially. It's therapeutic for me. If I randomly decide to bake something, it probably means I'm in a crappy mood. Just let me bake. I don't need your help. I used to think this made me a lot like Izzie Stephens from Grey's Anatomy. But I don't want to be compared to her anymore. She's kinda gone off the deep end, which is sad. She and George were my favorites on that show. Izzie is crazy and George is no where to be seen. I tend to eat the dough before I actually cook it. This makes me sick. And then I don't eat whatever I make. I'm pretty much always satisfied with the outcome, and everyone else usually is too. I'm not really afraid to brag about my cooking skills. I'm pretty good. I think i just made about 8 different facts in my one explanation.

2. I think I am often perceived as something I'm not. People think I'm this person who is always super loud and cheery. While I can be this way, I'm actually a really chill person. Most times, I prefer to just hang out, watch a movie, whatever. Also, teachers in high school always accused me of talking. I really don't talk in class if I'm being taught. It's actually a huge pet peeve of mine when others do it. But I always got in trouble because I was expected to behave this way because of the way the school viewed me and whatnot.

3. I have this genuine fear that I will never love anyone as much as I love Jason Mraz. I think people think I'm only kidding when I say that, or I'm just trying to prove how much I like him. After I saw him in concert the first time, I couldn't eat for three days, and I was worried I'd never be as happy as I was that day. I know people will read this and think down on me or think I need help. Whatever. It's the way I am. I've been in love with him since seventh grade. I feel like that makes it okay for me to be a little obsessive.

4. I love to quote anything and everything. I'm actually really terrible at remembering quotes, which bothers me greatly. I don't know why I'm bad at it. I'm great at memorizing lines for a play or exact definitions for anything else. But I can't remember it where it counts. So, i really just reference things. I can actually almost quote the entire Dumb and Dumber movie. That's my most quoted. Then I do some Jason Mraz, some youtube videos, Seinfeld, Grey's Anatomy, etc. I really just love to plagiarize life things, I guess.

5. I probably laugh way too much. And at the most inappropriate times. Funerals. Weddings. Mass. And for those who know me, know i laugh like a monkey who's just been given a life time's supply of bananas. I actually have no idea what that's supposed to mean, but I feel like it got the point across.

6. I used to have a pet crawfish named Miss Cleo. I actually had two, but Miss Cleo ate the other one before we could actually name it. Then we were afraid Miss Cleo would become a super crawfish and try to eat the family dog and then us. We threw her in the drain by the street. Miss Cleo lived in an old ice cream bucket. 

7. As much as I love high fives, I really hate initiating them. I think they're just a set up for possible rejection. And I hate rejection. I just stick with the thumbs up, and if someone offers me a high five, you better believe I'm all for it.

8. I like to say things just to watch people squirm. It's bad. I say things just to make people feel uncomfortable. I get a kick out of the faces they make and the body language they use. I really just entertain myself throughout life.

9. I think one of the best feelings in the world is mud under your feet. Oh. My. God. To feel it squish between your toes. Oh, man. What I'd do for some mud right now.

10. I love being by the water. I grew up a block away from the lake, and I feel like I was always out by it. Crabbing, fishing, swimming. Whatever. Living in Lafayette has made me realize that I will never be able to live anywhere without a large body of water. I never realized how much I depended on it for destress. They have a swamp here. That's it. It's a man-made swamp. That's all I get. And then I get really upset when I'm really upset because I'm upset at the fact that I don't have the lake. I miss the lake SO much. After the hurricane, I think i was most worried about the quality of the lake. It's really not polluted like everyone thinks it is. It was in the 70s, but they've done a really good job of cleaning it. Give me my shrimping boots and my lake, please. I wanna go crabbing.

11. I really want to be fluent in French. I have no doubt in my mind that I won't get there. I'm on my way to doing so right now. Don't ask me to speak French, because I'm not good by any means. But I've started taking classes. I plan on doing a French immersion program in Canada next summer. And then eventually live in France as a nurse. That's where being fluent in French will come in handy. I'm also considering living in other French speaking countries after that. It all depends. I just know I'm gonna end up in France one day. And I can't tell if when I tell people these things, if they think it's just a cool goal and that I'll never really achieve it. I promise, if you call me in five years, I'll be there. And if I'm not there, then I'm probably dead or something. In which case, you should cry.

12. I've already planned my whole funeral and have given the plans to Adrienne. Please consult her if I die tragically.

13. I swear to god, If you smack your food around me, I will probably give you the stink eye until you stop. And if you don't stop, I'll tackle you and rip out your gonads. I just can't stand it. It's absolutely repulsive.

14. Give me a very sloppy roast beef poboy (from New Orleans though. French bread is not acceptable elsewhere) with extra swiss cheese, a bag of crawtator zapps, and a Barq's rootbeer, and you just made the happiest girl in the world. 

15. Hayli is not the correct spelling of my name. Hailey is. I decided to change the spelling when I was in 8th grade. I think I have a terrible name, but I didn't know what I actually wanted to change my name to. So, i decided to change the spelling to make me feel more original. At first I told people it was my stage name. How pompous. I'm pretty consistent in how I use it. A lot of people tell me to change it officially. I'm not that concerned. That just seems like a lot of unnecessary work to still end up with the same name I hate. Don't call me Hailey. Only my mother calls me Hailey. Call me Hayli. Hi, my name's Hayli, What's ma name?

16. I love to make things. anything. I love figuring out new ways to do things. I love to sew. I love to build. I love to paint. Draw. Color. Craft. I see a lot of things in stores that inspire me to make things, but I never do it. I know I should, and I know I can, and I know I would come out damn good. But I'm too lazy and poor to do so. I think I'm gonna start keeping a notebook of ideas to motivate me. But I probably won't do that either. 

17. I really, truly, deeply, for real believe in reincarnation. I have theories as to what I was in past life. I'm willing to explain it all to you, but I don't like when people look at me like I'm crazy. It's my belief. SHOVE IT, MAN!

18. One time my mom made what she calls "green cock salad," which consisted of a really large cucumber, two cherry tomatoes, parsley, and ranch dressing. You can use your imagination as to how this was presented. I think it's probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen, but I wouldn't laugh at the time, because I didn't want to make my mother happy. I'm a terrible daughter, I know. I actually told her later how hilarious it was. 

19. I can't wait to be a nurse. It excites me so much. I hate when I tell people what I'm majoring in, they tell me to drop out now. No. I love the medical field so much. I love anatomy. I love figuring out what's wrong with people. It gives me a high. I also hate when people ask why "settle" for being a nurse. Why not be a doctor. Maybe because I don't want to be a doctor, that's why. Bitch.

20. I love horseback riding. I used to ride all the time. I'm probably not happier than when I'm on a horse. Or right after I do a jump. I'd love to have that back. I'm trying to get back into it, but my parents are so stubborn. :(

21. My absolute dream job would be a voice for a cartoon show or movie. I think I'd be really good at it. I just don't really understand how to get into that. Maybe it'll come to me. But I'd be okay if it never happens. 

22. I have 3 birthmarks. One on my face. I just found this out about a month ago. My parents just informed me of this. It's between my eyebrows. It's always been a little red there, but I just thought it was irritated skin or rosacea. Nope. Birthmark. It also goes off my mood. If I'm angry, it'll get more red. It used to be a lot worse as a kid, but it's faded over time. Shortly after telling me about it, my dad told me I was like the Seinfeld baby that no one wanted to look at. 

23. When I was 4 years old, my brother taught me how to "shoot the bird." I can distinctly remember this. We were sitting in his bunkbed look at the framed poster he had of the dream team. He asked me who my favorite player was, and I pointed to Larry Bird. He then said, "No! You can't like him. Hailey, he shoots the bird a lot." I looked at him with my confused birth marked face, and he showed me. The next day, I flicked off a nun.

24. My childhood nickname was dirt. You can probably guess why. My brother still calls me it from time to time. But more when he's just trying to show off. The sad thing is that I still respond to it without even thinking about it.

25. I love to talk about myself. And explain a lot of things. And just type. And avoid all my history and chemistry homework.

stage 5 clinger

thursday night is ladies' night in lafayette. me and some girls down the hall went to nitetown. i met a guy. had fun. but not too much fun, you know?

whatever.

apparently, he thought we were gonna start something serious. i met you in a bar, sir. i probably don't want anything to have to do with you.

then he called me a terrible person and all that great stuff.

just know i got called within the first 30 minutes of being home from the club, got 15 calls in one day and five voicemails. he insisted we hang out even though i made it pretty clear i didn't want any of that.

whatever happened to one night things? what has this world come to with its clingy guys and uncommitted girls?