:/

i just made this organization at school. it's pretty prestigious. it's the orienatation staff, and i've just been informed that i'll have to delete all things from my facebook that are inappropriate. i don't think i'll have a facebook at all. i figured i'll have to take out most if not all of my quotes, and a lot of pictures. so, why not make a blog about it?

"showers are for people with low self-esteem" 
-my drunk brother

"and i mean, i was just drivin along, and there was this sign that said 'fresh coconuts, one dollar' in like ten different languages. and i wasn't so much surprised by the low prices on coconuts as i was that it was in ten different languages"

"i felt like i just got raped by sound"
-marge

"i got my bacardi for when i'm havin a party... 'cept it's captain morgan"

"well, you know, judy, three hundred dollars ain't much when you got a baby on the way"
-flitzy

"KISS IT!"
-not marge's version

"i'm not good on my knees."
-lizz hayman

"this jambalaya's really good!"
"it's okay. i mean, i've had better..."
-a special conversation

"why is the weather so bad?!"
"hah, because it's about to rain, that's why."
-a special conversation

"margaret, what's a twat?"
-josh smith

"...and that's how you take sexual advantage of a retarded person."
-jordan shakespeare

"who would eat an orangutan?!"
-darren hayes

"there was a terrible queefing noise..."
-neighbor's complaint to the officer

"there was a merecat, a meretiger, and a COUGAR! and a giant spider with mystical powers..."


(in reference to the rain) "this weather is great!... if you're a fish!" 
-keisha on barney

"i could sell poo to a toilet."
-kathy griffin

"i need to sheet some rocks"
-hilary

"the fact that you are so trim and lean was probably the reason you survived the attack... you're just not a seal."

"YOU A BITCH!"
-thugs at buds

"nah, nah, they from annie. fuckin' little annie orphan or something."
-thugs at buds

"fuck whatever, man. just fuck whatever"
-kaleb babb

"...and we found the butterknife"
-mattie armato

"martie! i think i see dolphins martie! i see dolphins!"
-a bitch

"i wanna suck yo' dick"
-rack em willie

"look, the wildebeast"
"is that what he is?"

"my breath smells like popcorn"
"mine smells like... tictacs"
"kitty cats?"

"gay sex. lots of it."

"yes, indeed, i AM the titless wonder!"
-kyle choate

"yes, it says green street, but what if it's pronounced jeanette?! FUCK!"
-barron burmaster

"well, you gotta fuck 'em up the butt hole; that's the only solution."
-barron burmaster

"i caught two condoms at the parade last week... they'll last me a lifetime"
-tara "lesbian" tebbe

"when my parents are drunk, they tell people they met on eharmony.com"
-lizz hayman

"it's sexy, it's weird, it's us."
-tyler ales

"my mother was a black dwarf from the northern mountains"
-santa claus

"i'll ride you like a slide and we can make it blue bayou"
-tyler ales

"my advice to girls: masterbate... don't do anything stupid"
- dionne "donnie lesbian" ducote

"no, you don't actually spit it... you just finish it off with a handjob"
-tara tebbe

"she kicks like a nazi"
-monique abry

"ew, did you just put a lady pad on my head?"
-kyle moffatt

"you came out of a pussy just like the one i'm selling"
-allison tebbe

"that shit was cold! for you, it was probably warm"
-chase steen

"oh no! you're the newman to my jerry!"
-adrienne carriere

"om nom nom"
-cookie monster

"women are only good for three things: cooking, cleaning... and vaginas"
-jon lajoie

"nobody likes jimmy buffett except for frat boys and alcoholic chicks from the south"
-eric cartman

"when things look bad i just remember that i've got a real big dick and things seem much better"
-chase steen

"hey do i know you? bc your pretty hott"
-chase "cheese ball" steen

"zip it up, buddy"
-a playa

"great sex has to start in the imagination. it has to be something that grows out of knowing what turns us, and our partners on, otherwise it's just a couple of body parts smacking together while we huff and puff."
-the ultimate gay sex book

"if there's one thing you need to know, it's this: don't sweat the petty things. pet the sweaty things."
-chase steen

“What the hell kind of pick up lines are we supposed to use if we cant say care to insert your penis into my vagina?...?! We are never finding men.”
-allison tebbe

"girl, you lie like your weave"
-adrienne carriere

"I'd rather poo poo than sticky"

-granny